The New Year represents a veiled dichotomy for many people enduring grief. There is relief in being father away from one's worst event, and also heartbreak in being farther from the life and person they loved. I was glad for more distance between the day I met state troopers whose news altered my life forever, yet sad and dejected in my new normal of widowhood. Unsurprisingly, I didn't celebrate the New Year for a long time. 

I feel immense gratitude that time has helped this conflict in my heart. Not healed the conflict -- helped it. I still love and honor my first husband and that chapter of my life. But the difference, after 8.5 years, is that there are many more chapters. Chapters where I grew from my pain and mentored others. Chapters of re-marriage and a child that brings adventure, love, and presence. Chapters of perspective and appreciation for my beautiful life then, and my beautiful life now. 

Wishing you a new year full of trust in new chapters, acceptance of the dichotomy, and compassion for yourself and our world.



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