Three years ago today, I made a life-changing decision. I decided that fear of loss would no longer rule my life. That doesn't mean my fear was over and controlled, it means I decided to accept the fear that remained after losing my first husband traumatically in August of 2008. On the day I made this decision, I walked into a coffee shop and met a man named Sean. Within an hour, we decided to go for a walk on a nearby frozen lake then climb the trees on the east side. Far from the classic "first date," this simple adventure in nature was exactly what I needed to start opening up about my story and what I wanted for my future.
What an incredible dance it's been since that day.
Sometimes I'm shocked at how much my life has changed since I lost James. I paced for so many nights, wanting to end my life, struggling with the unfairness and ugliness of the world. I never thought I would consider risking love again. And now we've been married for 18 months and are expecting a little girl next month.
I am so glad that I hung on. That I made a decision rather than being defined by horrible circumstances. That I decided it was okay to live again.